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“No sir, you cannot ‘test drive’ the merchandise” December 12, 2007

Posted by emsgeiss in Business Issues, Humor & Satire, Uncategorized.
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This is the statement that a very dear friend heard from a store clerk this past Sunday. Not just one store clerk, actually, several store clerks, each at different stores. Now, it’s not what you think, for those of you who are heading down that path. The poor guy was simply trying to make a mundane purchase, and wanted to ensure that it would fit his needs. But being denied the test drives and without finding anything to suit his needs, he remains purchaseless.  Macy’s even failed him, but then again, even Macy’s isn’t Macy’s anymore.

Our dear friend was in search of a murse. For those of you not hip with überchic male accessories, the murse is a male purse, also called a man-bag.  (more…)


Ch-ch-ch-Chia! December 9, 2007

Posted by emsgeiss in Humor & Satire, Uncategorized.
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This is one of my all-time favorite posts, so I’ve made it sticky just in time for the holiday season. 
(You’re welcome.)
-E (12.13.12)


It’s Christmastime again
and the Chia Pet commercials are everywhere.

Apparently, Chia Pets don’t seem to sell at any other time of the year. I’m thinking that they might make a great gift for the White Elephant party that my husband and I have been invited to, where you have to bring a tacky gift, instead of a “real” gift, but we’re still on the fence about that one. 

The concept of actually buying a Chia Pet made me think, and I realized that I don’t believe I know anyone who really has one, despite the fact that you can get them at CVS, Walmart, K-mart and other fine stores. 

This of course led me down another path of bizarre logic. Since their “watch it grow” inception in the ’70s, we’ve had the Original Chia Pet, Chia Daffy, Chia Buggs, the Chia Head and many other Chia charaters. There’s now even Chia Cat Nip, so your furry friend can get in on the Chia action.  But what about the Chias that never made it to market? Here are a few, and warning, these are not for the easily offended. (more…)

Market Madness December 9, 2007

Posted by emsgeiss in Green & Frunchy, parenting & family.
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Friday evening, I went to the market after several fruitful hours writing. It was time, we were almost out of everything. Three c-notes poorer, but rich in mostly healthy and delicious food for my family, I left the store with the usual bad taste in my mouth from yet another sucky shopping experience. Like something out of one of the Target sketches from SNL, I endured the questions and strangeness from the cashier and bagger. Why oh why do the clerks at Kroger feel it necessary to question my purchases? Politeness of course, always prevails, and I just play along, trying to hide my growing irritation. I’ve come to expect it, starting with the look as if I’ve sprouted five additional heads as I toss my cloth sacks and two square cloth collapsible bins on the conveyor belt while saying, “No plastic, use these instead.” But this trip, I was getting the curious yet inappropriate commentary from all angles. (more…)

This just in… November 24, 2007

Posted by emsgeiss in writing/editing/blogging.
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As I predicted in my Black Friday post yesterday, “Analysts say [this year’s Black Friday] sales were the weakest in five years”  according to a report by CNN.  This is despite predictions of Black Friday sales to reach $20 billion.  Hmm. 

The frenzy was on, yesterday, as a favorite blogger of mine posted about yesterday. Describing the queued shoppers as flying into the store as soon as the doors opened as if they were storming the Beaches of Normandy and creating enough chaos to warrant bringing in law enforcement, the post is eye-opening.  I hope he (and all of the other retail workers doing Black Friday duty got combat pay). 

The lunacy is expected to continue today, as stores offer more incentives to come in early, stay late and buy, Buy, BUY!  Don’t worry though, if you can’t make it to the mall today. There’ll be more sales next weekend. 

The great thing about the Black Friday madness…it gives us writers plenty of inspiration.

Copyright © 2007 Erika-Marie S. Geiss

Ah…Black Friday November 23, 2007

Posted by emsgeiss in Uncategorized.
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The last time I checked, Black Friday was the Fisk-Gould scandal that occurred on September 14, 1869 when “James Fisk and Jay Gould attempted to corner the U.S. gold market.”  In the finance world, it has alternatively been applied to the September 19, 1873 stock market panic triggered by over speculation.  (Perhaps everyone was talking like a pirate and didn’t get the bids right?)  Apparently Black Friday will forever have financial connotations, since today, it means the Day After Thanksgiving Sales thanks to the retail world. For the retail world, it means potential big bucks as they offer ridiculously low prices starting with “door busters” and other incentives at obscenely early hours.  For consumers, it means parting with even more hard-earned cash in the name of getting a presumably great deal and a head start on holiday shopping.  For this, people stand in insanely long lines, which in many places at this time of year, means being up before dark and braving wickedly cold weather.  I wonder if they realize that there will be many more sales between now and Holiday…um…I mean Christmas. 

 The last thing that I need the day after Thanksgiving is to get up before my son ever would, stand in line outside for hours before a store even opens just so that I can join the shopping frenzy in the quest for lower than low, low prices, only to wait in line some more at checkout amidst irate, gloating or disappointed customers only to be served by overtaxed and often incompetent cashiers.

Now, tonight when we watch, listen to or read the news, and the retail reports come in, we will probably hear (once again) that the revenue from Black Friday shopping was lower than anticipated, despite the number of people who engage in this new American after-Thanksgiving tradition.  Given the history of the term “Black Friday,” maybe the retailers are shooting themselves in the feet by adopting a term with such negative and perilous financial connotations.

I for one, will be sitting this tradition out and enjoying some extra sleep, and a morning of snuggling with my husband and son, and a nice, leisurely breakfast.  

Copyright © 2007 Erika-Marie S. Geiss